Coffee Please

             Something was wrong.

            I had people talking about how great it was to assemble with God’s people, and I just mentally rolled my eyes and wanted them to get on with the services.  I tried to psyche myself into liking Sundays, and worshipping with the church, by quoting the positive verses about worship, putting on a smile, and telling myself how good it was to see people at church.

            And, that worked………….as long as I did not think about how I felt.  I tried to think about God and His goodness, and thank Him for His blessings and works.  I just did not want to do it with the church. 

            What was wrong with me?  I am the preacher; I should not feel this way.

            I do not like using excuses as a way out.  It does not matter what I think about others, whether my thoughts and assumptions are true or not.  It does not matter how ‘wrong’ I might think things are.  And, it should not matter how much is right.

            If I am there for the Lord, I should be thrilled.  What was blinding me from immersing myself in His goodness?

            I was thinking about others.  I was judging others.  Now, I may not have been doing it at the assembly, but how I thought about others during the week affected how I felt among the church on Sunday.  I lacked grace, mercy, patience, and forgiveness during the week.  I was not aware of the great counsel found in Ecclesiastes where it states, “Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you.  Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others (7:21-22).”

            I was thinking and judging the very manner in which I would have been crushed if it were done in return.  I projected on others the very thing I was doing myself.

            Was I right about some of the facts that I thought?  Sadly, yes.  As time goes by, I was closer to correct than I care to admit.  It hurts a lot to even think about it.  However, how I chose to think about those actions, and how I thought about certain people totally messed with the greatest opportunity I have every week – worshipping God with the church.  The church that is full of redeemed, imperfect ragamuffins; people in need of grace, patience, and mercy.  People like me.

            Now, I was not thinking negatively about everyone.  Sadly, it was only a few people’s actions upon which I ruminated.  But, it was enough leaven to sour my soul.  I chose not to reflect on the goodness of my brethren, and God’s mercy on my imperfections and wicked thoughts towards my enemies.  I chose to dwell on the things that will eventually be destroyed, and that bar me from extending grace and mercy to others.  It kept me from loving, and it kept me from expressing my love to God on Sundays.

            I am starting to like Sundays again.  I am starting to really enjoy being among God’s people again. Sure, things still hurt.  Sure, I wish things could have different.  However, I need to dwell on the good truths, too.  I am among people who have experienced the mercy and grace of my Lord.  I am among imperfect people just like me.

            When I think about people’s actions during the week, I start to think about the good, too.  I still hurt, but I can still rejoice.  I can like my brothers and sisters now.  I like Sundays.  And, I like going to church.

            And, yes, I am a preacher.